I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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