i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
