No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
