I just made out with a guy for $7.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
