I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize