the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
