its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
