Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
