were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
