She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize