the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
