She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
