My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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