He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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