I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
