oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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