you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
