So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
