new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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