Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
