Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
