I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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