I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
