Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
