Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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