I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
