11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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