whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
