just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
