i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
