I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
