You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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