I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
