Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
