I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
