Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
