Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
