One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
