you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
