Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
