I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
