After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
