i already hear my dad disowning me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
