I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
