who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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