If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize