I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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