you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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