Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
