Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
