Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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