and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
