Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
