Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Girls should come with a carfax report
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
