it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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