I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
