.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
