dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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