WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg šš
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I canāt believe youāre letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. Itās a good thing we werenāt having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
because nothing says āletās fucking rageā like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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