So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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