could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
