hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
