you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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