wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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