your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
