Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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