the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
