I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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