i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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