And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
